I have no recollection of what happened in the previous Cheetah Girls movie I reviewed, nor do I care, but the tell-tale signs of a break-up are evident on their “One World” movie poster. It is with great relief that I point out to you that one of them is missing! I can’t tell who it is since they all look pretty much alike with pancake make-up on, but who cares? It’s one less worthless band to “critique”, and probably a few less painful direct-to-DVD movies to sit through.

So three Cheetah Girls are left. According to IMDB.com, they are Chanel (Adrian Balion), Dorinda (Sabrina Bryan), and Aqua (Keily Williams). So much for ignoring who’s missing. I think we can all do the math here and realise it’s Raven-Symone, who plays Galleria. Guess what excuse they gave for excluding her character? The priority of education! So much for living your dreams, doing what you love, etc. etc., yada yada, eh?

The three are cast in a Bollywood movie, which is really just an excuse to put in bright colours and cute Indian boys. They arrive in India and realise that the director’s uncle (who funds the production) only wants one of them, and they have to compete against one another for the role. Oh noes!

Cue the strained friendship. Cue the forced romances. Cue the bad dialogue, the lazy storytelling, the stereotypes, the stiff acting. Bring on the horror. I hope you brought a hammer along. The Cheetah Girls: One World is as enjoyable as taking a staple gun to your temples. There’s some half-hearted attempt at Bollywood dancing, but… no. If there was one thing The Cheetah Girls did right, it was to break up before they got to butchering the sing and dance of all the other cultures.

DVD Review

There are songs, and more songs. You simply get the option to play them with or without the voices of The Cheetah Girls. There’s also a reel of unfunny bloopers, and “an alternate version of the movie with video fun facts”. Did they just suggest watching the movie again? I hope not.

(First published at InCinemas)