Guide To Oscar Predictions

If there is anything to learn from watching award ceremonies, it’s that there is no such thing as a universally good film. Awards are all about bell-curves and relativity, the way grades in school aren’t really a good judge of a person’s intelligence or achievement. It depends, unfortunately, on how well or badly everyone else around you did. But while this system is flawed, it is quite impossible to judge one’s merit – quality or talent – any other way.

Why do we say this? Simply because films that win awards at one ceremony hardly ever win in another (we’re referring to ceremonies that actually matter). Take The Golden Globes and The Academy Awards, for example. It is this observation, this pattern, that has led movie fanatics and critics to identify other patterns that may present a clue as to who and which film will go home with a golden statue in hand.

History, after all, is fond of repeating itself.

But say you haven’t been following the Golden Globes, or the Oscars, for the past ten years. Yet you’ve just made a bet with someone, convinced quality is quality, that something you enjoyed watching would certainly be recognised at one of the most prestigious (if not the MOST prestigious) ceremonies celebrating the film industry. That’ll probably happen in your universe, but not so much in a competitive world where everything from promotional activities to the end product counts. People’s reputations are at stake here. Some films were even made with the motivation of winning, hence the term “Oscar bait”. There’s tough competition. Face it, that five bucks you put down probably isn’t going to return to your pocket.

No point crying over spilt milk – here are some Oscar prediction tips to help you make a better informed choice next time.

 

 

The flashier the better

This is kind of the reason how the term “Oscar bait” came about. Is the movie about gays? Transsexuals? Someone handicapped? A mentally challenged person? Someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder? They’ll usually win something – people often have a fascination with the unusual and the controversial.

Travelling back in time

All part of the nostalgia, for those above the age of 45 – and part of the fascination, for those under. Period pieces practically buy their Oscars – they just need to hire enough historians and art directors to make something look authentically vintage. If you’re accurate and flamboyant enough, you’ll probably bag all the art and design awards. 

Sympathy win

This is reserved only for actors who’ve risen from their ashes, returned from the dead, you name it. Spent the last ten years battling a drug problem? Here’s a statue to prove that Oscar voters have a heart, even if it means they just feel sorry for you.

Release dates

The memory factor comes into play – films released nearer (but before, obviously) to the Oscars are fresher in voters’ minds, and tend to be movies released after September. Silence of the Lambs (released February in the USA) and Forrest Gump (released July) are some exceptions.

Hair colour

Now this calls for a dumb blonde joke, and I know hair colour these days are just a matter of which dye one decides to pour on one’s scalp, but out of the 40 winners of acting over the past 10 years, only six were blond at the time when they won Oscars.

Older men, younger women

Yep.

Best Animated Feature Film

This category was introduced for the first time in 2001, and to date, five Pixar animated films have been nominated for the category, three of which won the title. Pixar’s closest competitor is Dreamworks SKG, whose titles were nominated five times, two of which won the title. You don’t need to be a genius to know that WALL-E will win this year, however.

Best Picture + Screenplay

The history of this happening aren’t that many, but hey, it’s logical. A good screenplay means everyone gets to work with quality material. Sure, you need a competent director and a good cast, but take this into consideration if you’re really desperate.

OMG, the bulb glows!

I’ve decided to try something new! You know that elation (or bitterness) you get after watching a movie? The one that either wows you or makes you feel disgusted, the one that clouds your judgement? Well, I’ve discovered a way to combat it.

Okay, not really, but I wanna try this. To give a movie the actual, unclouded-by-emotion rating it deserves, I’m going to re-write a second review post first-impression. This is how it’s going to work: The first review will reflect how I feel about the movie right after having watched it, and the second will reflect how I feel after settling down, and thinking the movie over (say, after a week). Because, you know, I really hate the feeling that I either gave too good/bad a review for some of them. There’s such a thing as having something grow on you – the Nick Carter and Justin Timberlake war is your evidence. It’s one thing feeling something is explosively, massively awesome, and another realising that it really isn’t all that great later on. BUT, I will only do this for movies I think deserve the second treatment.

Also, some movies make me re-watch them, and therefore I’m introducing a new rating: Perishability. Not that my current reviews have any ratings (I’m going to add them), but yeah. I think perishability is a good indicator of good movies. Are they rewatchable? Awesome only on first viewing? Or evergreen nasty? Yes, I think this is a terrific idea. Honestly, I do. Applaud me.

Now, re-writing is going to take a while, so don’t expect too much for the time being. I understand that people in general have shitty attention spans, so don’t worry, the second review is going to be short. You don’t actually think I’m THAT willing to write as long a review as the first, do you?

Movie Review: Wild Child

I’ve watched a decent share of chick flicks, from the horrendously gross Bratz to the fairly entertaining Freaky Friday. But as typical and as common the basic morals that these movies try to cram down one’s throat, I find it difficult to hate any one of them. Nope, not even Bratz. See, even when they’re bad, they’re entertainingly bad. Wild Child doesn’t exactly scrape the bottom of the barrel, and on the contrary is something I would recommend if you’re bored and in need of brainless entertainment.

I particularly enjoyed the first twenty minutes of Wild Child: LA-dwelling spoilt brat Poppy (Emma Roberts) is shipped off to an English boarding school as punishment for bad behaviour after wrecking some sort of a party. There, she meets her match in delightfully sarcastic and witty British girls, whose catty comebacks and naturally haughty accents are a welcome contrast to Poppy’s American snobbery (“Ew!” vs. “You’re mental!”). But this very promising beginning – this battle of the Brits and the Americans – takes an earth-bound slide towards the middle, when Poppy discovers her new life abroad may not be as shitty as she thought, and decides to change her mind about trying to get expelled (yawn.). Oh, she also falls for the headmistress’s very eligible son.

The last movie I watched with Emma Roberts was Nancy Drew, and honestly, I didn’t buy her then as a smart, goody-two-shoes detective. A cold, bratty, yet somehow needy schoolgirl is the kind of role she needs to take on more often.

Wild Child is brainless and harmless fun, and not as steeped in superficiality as I’d feared.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Inkheart

There are so many things I couldn’t get from watching the movie, which unfortunately points to Inkheart being a horrid adaptation. Add the rushed storytelling, the flood of side characters, and Inkheart simply falls away as another fantasy with too many computer graphics.

Now this is a pity, because the idea of having book characters brought to life by gifted readers called “Silvertongues” would easily generate shivers down the spines of fantasy lovers. I haven’t read the book myself, but I know an adequate adaptation shouldn’t require an entire reading of the source material. The movie’s saving grace are the performances its lead characters put up. Paul Bettany in particular looks amazingly like he did actually step out of a book. This man easily stole every scene right from beneath Fraser’s shiny forehead. For the first time, Fraser actually felt… boring. Sienna Guillory also appears only briefly, another shameful mistake. At almost two hours long, the movie still felt like it needed to borrow time to flesh out its characters.

I’m sure the original written copy wasn’t as contrived as the movie, but I may never feel motivated enough to find out. There is a difference between a movie leaving enough questions for you to ponder over, and a movie so complicated yet conveniently forced together you feel you’d just end up tangled in all the lose ends while trying to figure it out. This sense of unease shouldn’t be part of the equation at all, and certainly not with a potentially fascinating Inkheart.

The awkward and messy translation from book to screen is Inkheart’s downfall, evitable had it been in the hands of a better writer and director. Regrettably, the charming performances of its lead cast just weren’t enough to bring to life this sham of a script.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: My Family My Heart

It seems a little strange how My Family My Heart received the little promotion it did. The movie, after all, stars Mark Lee, Tan Lee Pen (affectionately also known as Chen Liping or Aiyoyo Lao shi) and Megan Zheng, the latter known for her breakthrough role in Homerun. In fact, her performance was so great, it garnered an award for Best New Performer at 2003’s Golden Horse Film Festival. I’m not suggesting this young talent ought to be saturating our local TV and movie scene, but surely she has not come this far just to star in direct-to-video releases? It’s a little disconcerting to know that support for the local film industry extends to just Jack Neo, Royston Tan, and Eric Khoo.

My Family My Heart, despite the nauseating title, is however an entertaining drama to watch (as all Channel 8 dramas are: cliched but addictive). Heartland aunties will love it, thanks to the acting chops of Mark Lee and Megan Zheng. Both actors have great chemistry playing off one another as father and daughter, and Chen Liping does what she does best – being the mother figure. It is she whose morals the older generation will praise, Mark Lee’s they’ll laugh and shake their heads at, and Megan Zheng whose future they’ll feel worried for. But this is stereotyping at its most interesting. The lessons on gambling and greed, of filial piety and love, will make you laugh and cry at the same time. And that’s never a bad combination.

For a movie whose poster design ended up being a competition, My Family My Heart features very real kampung settings. There’s a huge mansion you’ll want to look out for towards the end, and rather than spend their dollars on excessive promotional material, I’m glad they decided to use it on logistics filming in Malaysia. Of course, a little exposure would certainly do no harm. Beautifully framed, and not exactly the bottom-of-the-barrel standard you would expect from direct-to-videos.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Stop-Loss

Getting “stop-lossed” is the worst thing that could happen to you if you’re serving the U.S. military, besides dying or losing a few limbs. Why? Because it heightens your chances of the latter two occurring. Stop-loss works like detention – a servicing member gets retained to serve more than the period specified in the enlistment contract, so if you’re, like, in the middle of the war and the contract ends, you can’t pack up and leave. 

King had it all – a girlfriend he was going to marry upon returning, proud parents, a bunch of best buds he fought with – but all this comes a-crashing when, while packing to head home, he receives an order to get back to fighting the very same war he barely managed to make out alive. The same war which left a couple of his mates pulverised, and an unfortunate few handicapped. He does not want to go back, period. Like a good Sergeant he takes this to his superior, but orders are orders, and on an impulse, he runs away.

Hey, what’s a guy to do to preserve his life and sanity?

Stop-Loss is a tedious but not very complicated journey from point A to B, of one man’s – one respected military leader’s – rashness and indecisiveness, and its consequences. It is a character study of a person trapped in a situation of endless ‘what if’s, but which somehow feels oddly inadequate in its exploration. For all its promising casting, the performances were average, neither jarring enough to draw you in, nor bad enough to make you want to switch off the set. For a movie wanting you to care, I felt like I couldn’t care less.

(First published at InCinemas)

Chinese New Year Movies Releasing in 2009

And very silently, the Rat slinks away, back into the darkness whence it came. In almost an instant – faster than the eye can blink – a strapping figure takes its place. A stark contrast to the tiny figure of the rodent, this one comes extra large, and extra loud. It bellows, “OH MY GOODNESS, it’s been twelve years since I last got 365 days to my name!” and that’s how we know it’s the year of the Ox, people. 

At InCinemas.sg, we believe that there’s bound to be a movie for every occasion. Distributors and filmmakers believe this too, so to keep things short, we present to you movies coming out around the corner you may want to check out after you’ve collected all that ang pow money.

All’s Well End’s Well 2009

Releasing: 22 January 2009

Starring: Louis Koo, Ronald Cheng, Sandra Ng, Raymond Wong

(Anyone noticed the punctuation error on the theatrical posters? I could launch into a debate about whether or not this is intentional à la The Pursuit Of Happyness, but I truly think this is a genuine error there, and one I can’t ignore even though it’s making me go a little off-point. Ahem.)

 The third sequel following the 1992 Box Office success All’s Well Ends Well (1992), this 2009 version is centered around Yu Chu (Sandra Ng), a cranky and demanding 40 year-old magazine editor whose brother is persuading to get married. This is because he wants to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend, but tradition has it that a younger sibling cannot get married before the eldest daughter has wed. He then hires a relationship expert (read: womanizer) to seduce his sister, only things go wrong the way things always do in romance comedies.

Why watch it: This film already has a history of being a Chinese New Year movie. Experience is one thing it has.

Love Matters

Releasing: 22 January 2009

Starring: Mark Lee, Henry Thia, Marcus Chin

Love Matters is a movie revolving around three main protagonists – 52 year old Tan Bo Seng, 17 year old Benny, his teenage son, and 36 year old Jeremy, Bo Seng’s ‘adopted’ brother – and their accidental journey in seeking and keeping love and happiness.

Why watch it: You can cart the whole family into the cinema – this one has generation gaps all figured out.

The Wedding Game

Releasing: 25 January 2009

Starring: Fann Wong, Christopher Lee

Directed by Ekachai Uekrongtham and originally called “Wedding Of The Year” – which I personally found more straightforward – The Wedding Game is a comedy and a “making-of” of the year’s most anticipated celebrity wedding (you ought to know which one). Fann Wong plays Vikki, who is proposed to by Jack (Christopher Lee. Honestly, they could have just used their real names and saved me the trouble) during the live telecast of a regional awards show. Surprised but happy, Vikki accepts – much to the delight of the public who has been following and rooting for the two superstars’ much publicized romance.

Why watch it: The last line of the previous paragraph tells you as much. People are going to talk about it, so you want to be in the know, just in case.

Noticed how two out of these three films are about weddings and finding eternal bliss and happiness? If you didn’t get a chance to spread the love around on Christmas, God has given you a second chance. Me? Any public holiday is a reason to smile.

(First published at InCinemas)

DVD Review: The Dark Knight

Sorry guys, couldn't find an English version.

There’s this Joker-ish scrawl of the word “SMILE” right next to the bonus features list on the DVD jacket, and you better believe it. The highly vandalised look of the jacket is a right joke, a joke you laugh with, because no other DVD would have “BLAH BLAH BLAH” printed beneath the technical features on the cover. It’s not like you care if the film comes in 2.40:1 Widescreen format, anyway! And what do you do with a DVD cover this mocking? You shiver with delight the moment it falls into your hands, knowing full well it’s going to promise a devilish good time. It does.

I love the features on the DVD. There’s no simpler way to get the message across than to tell this to you directly. They’re amazing, and better than amazing, you get the feeling there was some careful planning involved for the features, and they didn’t just slap together bits and pieces filmed during the making-of and called them extras.

Let’s see, there are six Gotham Tonight news bulletins that were obviously deliberately filmed to be included as extras (now else would they be used in the movie?), and they’ve very cleverly packaged it as on-air interviews with the characters. There’s a feature biography of millionaire Bruce Wayne, one with Harvey Dent, and some other characters you wouldn’t have given a second thought to. This extra openly debates the necessity of Batman as the movie’s vigilante from the characters’ point-of-view. My favourite bit? They tied in the Joker’s opening bank heist and reported it as “breaking news”. Deliciously entertaining, and very clever.

“Gotham Uncovered” is a breakdown of the how-tos of the movie. In summary, there’s a bit about filming with IMAX cameras, coming up with tension-filled sound effects and soundtracks, an in-depth look at stunts with selective focus on particular action sequences, improvements made to the Batman suit, and the technical designs for the Batpod. There’s really no reason not to watch all of them, even repeatedly. “The Sound Of Anarchy” is my personal favourite – who knew a cello could produce such a nerve-grating, evil-sounding pitch?

The use of heavy and cumbersome IMAX cameras to have The Dark Knight filmed in the highest resolution possible is an accomplishment worthy of a pat on the back, considering the number of close-ups and stunts in the movie. There’s a reason why other movies stick to 35 mil cameras. IMAX ones have shallow depth of fields, and can’t be easily carried around to capture action. In a movie where style is as important a factor as substance, you’ll find the tragic end of one of four IMAX cameras in the world an unfortunate but worthy waste (if it had to perish, let it be The Dark Knight for it to go KIA!). Don’t forget to marvel at the feat of having to flip a truck in a narrow street. Filmed on location with minimal post-production special effects, the stunt feature will confirm your nagging suspicion that Christopher Nolan, indeed, has balls of steel. I could go on all day about how spectacular the extras are, but that’d just be unfair to you. Don’t read about it, watch it!

Last and most unimportant of the lot are the picture galleries of Joker cards, concept art, poster art, production stills and the collection of trailers and TV-Spots. There’s also a reel of the sequences shot in IMAX so you can marvel at their supreme quality without re-watching the entire film again. You can skip this if you want to, though it’s highly likely you’ll get an orgasm just by looking at the amount of features on the back jacket. Buy.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: La Lingerie

Oh great, another movie with nothing better to offer than a bunch of eye-candy. If you’re a girl and ogling at other pretty girls isn’t to your liking, the movie tries too hard to appeal to your feminine needs, that is, to come up with something poetic like how “lingerie are a woman’s deepest secrets”. No. They’re underwear necessary to ward off the evil glances of the opposite sex. They are social attire to be worn in public (but not publicly) lest someone accuses you of indecency or associate you with Britney Spears. If they really were a woman’s deepest secrets, men would find the world a much more straightforward place each time somebody does the laundry.

I don’t usually judge a movie by its poster, but just… take a goddamn look at the DVD cover art and try to understand my pain. Sure, Stephy Tang looks good, but that’s about it. Are the girls insulting to watch? Yeah, yes they were. Is the movie shallow? It tries not to be, but it is. Which makes it an even bigger pain to watch. Is it a comedy about superficiality? It’s not very funny. It’s meh, in the meh-est way possible. I can’t even summon the anger and dissatisfaction to really describe why it was so forgettable and bland, it just is. Hell, watching a bra gently swaying in the breeze would make better entertainment. Next!

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: All’s Well Ends Well 2009

Oh, what a giveaway title! Except it totally works, if you think about it. Now that the writers have gotten this unimportant spoiler ending out of the way (Did you really think a romance comedy could end on a sad note?), we’re free to enjoy the breadcrumbs leading to this happily ever after. You may also have wondered what the “2009″ stands for at the end of the title… well, this is the fourth film out of a series of “All’s Well Ends Well” Chinese New Year movies (the last was in 1997). Let me retype that again: it’s a Chinese New Year movie. I personally like an honest marketing scheme which goes right out declaring it wants a share of your ang pow money.

Louis Khoo plays a love guru who is hired to date the hot-tempered, career-minded Sandra (Sandra Ng), whose “spinster” status seems more and more fitting each passing day. But before you can declare “Hitch rip-off!” and throw popcorn at the screen, Sarah falls for Khoo’s character, Dick, only to find that the attraction isn’t reciprocal, to say the least. Dick instead falls for another girl, and this relationship runs parallel to that of Sarah’s brother’s, who really was the one who hired Dick to seduce Sarah. Follow me? It really isn’t as complicated as it sounds. The themes of romance and mistaken identities resemble quite a bit of the chaos in a Shakespearean play, but like most other Hong Kong dramas, All’s Well Ends Well 2009 isn’t half bad. It certainly won’t spark a laughing fit, but doesn’t exactly fail as a comedy either. Its over-the-top exaggeration and awkwardness is silly but effective, and the movie walks the fine line between being a parody of romantic comedies, and a romantic comedy itself. It definitely beats anything starring Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson, anyway.

(First published at InCinemas)