Asian Movies Releasing In The First Quarter Of 2009

Remember John Woo’s war movie last year? The one big on strategy and human-gutting? The one they called Red Cliff? We’re willing to bet you were balling your hands into fists when the “To Be Continued…” crawled across the screen, teasing you into shelling yet another $8.50 to see the real conclusion. Well, it’s back. Red Cliff 2 will see a release in local cinemas in the first quarter of 2009, but first, here’s a list of other Asian titles coming out during that time as well:

1. Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea (1 January)

Cconsisting of a record 170,000 hand drawn images and a box office record of over US$153 million in Japan, Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea is the 9th film from acclaimed animation directors, Hayao Miyazaki. Revolving around the relationship between a five year old boy Sosuke and an extraordinary goldfish called Ponyo, the two are thrown into an adventure when Ponyo’s decision to give up her underwater life creates a crack in an ancient magic spell, placing the world in danger.

Cast: Yuria Nara, Hiroki Doi, Jôji Tokoro, Tomoko Yamaguchi, Yuki Amami, Kazushige Nagashima, Akiko Yano

2. Lady Cop And Papa Crook (1 January)

This Hong Kong crime comedy written and directed by Felix Chong and Alan Mak creates an alliance of people from opposite sides of the law. Sammi Cheng plays a police officer who has to investigate the kidnapping of the son of a corrupt red diesel kingpin, and a common enemy brings about the unlikely partnership of cops and criminals.

Cast: Sammi Cheng, Eason Chan

3. Ong Bak 2 (8 January)

Starring Tony Jaa who plays a young man out for revenge against a rival tribe after he is saved from slavery, Ong Bak 2 may carry the same leading star and title as the first Ong Bak movie, but features a completely different story. Set in a semi-fictional ancient Thailand, Tony Jaa’s character is trained to unify the different styles of martial arts before going on a murderous spree.

Cast: Tony Jaa, Pongpat Wachirabunjong, Nirut Sirichanya, Janista Choochuaisuwan, Patthama Panthong

4. Red Cliff 2 (9 January)

Directed by action veteran John Woo, this second part of Red Cliff, or The Battle Of Red Cliff, is an epic war film based on events during the end of the Han Dynasty and prior to the period of the Three Kingdoms in ancient China.

Cast: Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Chang Chen, Lin Chiling

5. Chandni Chowk To China (15 January)

This Bollywood action-comedy is about a simple cook from Chandni Chowk mistaken for the reincarnation of an ancient peasant warrior Liu Shengh by residents of an oppressed Chinese village. This is also Bollywood’s first movie to be set in China.

Cast: Akshay Kumar, Chia Hui Liu, Deepika Padukone, Mithun Chakraborty, Roger Yuan

6. Hello Schoolgirl (12 February)

A South Korean romance comedy adapted from a popular webcomic by Kang Full explores the relationship between two couples who have a wide age gap.

Cast: Ji-Tae Yu, Yeon-Hee Lee, Jeong-An Chae, Kang In

7. Look For A Star (12 February)

Starring Andy Lau as a millionaire who falls in love with a casino dealer played by Shu Qi, who also happens to be a full-time cabaret dancer. This Hong Kong romance comedy was shot at  MGM Grand Macau.

Cast: Andy Lau, Shu Qi

8. K-20 (12 February)
Set in an alternate world where ninety percent of Japan’s wealth is controlled by a small sliver of the aristocracy, the Fiend is a sort of Robin Hood figure who steals from the rich. Kaneshiro plays a circus acrobat falsely set up as the Fiend who must escape from jail and track down the real thief to clear his name with the help of a beautiful police detective who is being targeted by the real thief.

Cast: Takeshi Kaneshiro, Takako Matsu, Tôru Nakamura, Kyusaku Shimada

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Ong Bak 2

LOL u screwed.

Oh boy, just how do you review pornography? A fight pornography, that is. Let’s get straight to the point, shall we? Truth be told, it’s not like anyone is expecting Jaa’s latest martial arts offering to be any brain fodder. Not unless you count your mind struggling to get around the movie’s 245389 moves, which… woooah. But before you continue reading, ye be warned that there will be spoilers from this point onwards.

Believe me, not even the most highbrow of critics would dare take a potshot at Jaa’s (and just about everyone else’s) moves. You just don’t put it past the Thais to making treadmills out of stampeding elephants, or have crocodile wrestling as a sport. I feel embarrassed for the Roman gladiators already.

As with “No animals were harmed during the filming of this movie”? A middle finger to you, PETA suckers. Ong Bak 2 is martial arts going batshit insane, where a more appropriate disclaimer ought to be, “No humans were harmed during the filming of this movie.”

But just what exactly can you expect? Simple, this. You can expect blood, lots of it, and an assortment of martial art styles including but not stopping at: Kung-fu, drunken Kung-fu, Wing Chun (and I admit I only know this from watching Ip Man), Muay Boran, Krabi Kabrong and Silat. Ong Bak 2 also boasts gorgeous sets and costume designs, and… well, now you know where all the money went to before production went to a stand-still after it ran into monetary problems. Was it worth it at all? You bet. The effort put into style is apparent, and I don’t doubt this as one of Thailand’s most expensive movie ever filmed.

Just a little glitch to note about the fighting: the promise of lack of wires, stunt doubles and CGI seem a little forgotten in the hurry to make this the explosive production it is. There are a few scenes in which Jaa is put fist to fist with magically-enhanced villains, and while Thailand is famous for its horror stories and black magic, this superhuman mix with martial arts does take away some of the realness associated with Tony Jaa films. Remember Jackie Chan in The Tuxedo? Yup, that’s what I’m talking about. Also, a few scenes can go quite over-the-top, which means they turn out ridiculous, drawn out, and unintentionally funny. Luckily for us, most of them just look cool.

Then there’s the fail. (Major spoilers up ahead!)

Remember me saying that the least to worry about in a martial arts movie is the plot? Well, this one has one, except it kind of got disfigured in the editing room. We all know you don’t steal stuff from Tony Jaa, certainly not highly prized artifacts like Buddha heads and cute baby elephants, so being the victim of slavery sparkles like a shiny new toy as the plot here. Then it all gets old again, when Jaa’s character begins on a revenge rampage after his parents are “stolen”, or kept away from him. (Okay, fine, he’s the kid who got kidnapped by a rival tribe to be used as a slave.) I’ll even forgive this wafer thin plot despite it being done twice before, but the editing was as terrible as the fights were awesome. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, the movie ends with a huge question mark, without revealing the fate of the lead. “Hey man, we don’t know if an Ong Bak 3 would be green-lit since Jaa did run off into the jungle halfway while filming this, destroying his credibility in the process, so uh, hang on to this “ending” while we go persuade the studios. KTHXBAI!”

While spectacular in many ways, Ong Bak 3 falls short of expectations given its long production and enormous budget (in baht). A huge ego stroking session for Jaa nonetheless (not that we mind, though), Ong Bak 3 is your reminder that there are still artistes nowadays who do it the hardcore, die-hard way.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Dark Matter

Here’s Dark Matter in one word: tragic. Not that shootings aren’t, but this one does it superbly well, that is, until the final few minutes. Based on the 1991 University of Iowa shooting, Dark Matter attempts to narrate this event from the perspective of Liu Xing, the shooter, culprit and victim himself. After all, there’s always a story behind any kind of bloodshed.

There’s a whole host of reasons why someone would go on a shooting spree – a history of bullying and revenge being the most heard of. But from the first to the last frame, Liu Xing (played to perfection by Liu Ye) is nothing but a promising, brilliant, aspiring, dedicated and ambitious student. When an opportunity to work with cosmologist Professor Reiser shows up in the promise land known as America, Liu snaps it up with dreams of winning the Nobel Prize. And boy, is he passionate and daring enough to be a candidate. So begins the fatal and downright dreaded walk to the finish line when this well-mannered boy leaves his homeland to venture into foreign territory, driven by nothing but his dreams. A family movie would thus take the route of self-discovery to a happy ending, but this isn’t a family movie.

Should it be any coincidence that the film has a title like “Dark Matter”? Probably.

Is it because of bad writing that the film reeks like a fish-out-of-water story, giving little to zero hint of the tragedy to follow? Liu, together with the other Asian students, have to navigate their way through an English-speaking and unfamiliarly blunt culture. They’re working under the not-very-grateful, somewhat arrogant nose of a white professor, whose work ethics are a contrast to their own. One would think the film as some kind of a cultural study, a clash of opposite values and beliefs. Perhaps even a comedy when words are misunderstood and attempts at learning the foreign language become unintentional gags. (Liu, for example, says, “Up the bottom!” for a drinking toast.) Ignorance, even, with ones’ first language also make great humour opportunities. (“I’m a student here, studying cosmology.” “Oh yeah? Well then, you can give me a makeover.”) Dangerously sliding into off-topic areas, the film’s final moments sneak up so stealthily, it’s hard to say if one would enjoy the “shock”, or be baffled by the sudden turn in direction. But think about it – the sense of failure, of rejection, of one’s dreams going up in smoke. The ending may come abruptly, but who is to argue this isn’t the nature of a breakdown? And this, dear reader, is the flaw that makes Dark Matter a like-it or hate-it movie. A better guiding hand would have steered the movie away from this pivot point, but without that luxury this one deserves a pat for good effort and gold stars for its leads.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: The Ten Commandments

There was a time when animation looked seriously laughable, like a half-hearted video game nobody wants to play. 2007 is simply not the time. Yes, The Ten Commandments – this version at least – is an animation, a poorly-rendered one in fact, released just one year ago when animation HAD standards to meet! I’m not just talking good animation. I’m saying we’re in an age where animation has reached exceptional levels, Beowulf and Ratatouille levels – and all The Ten Commandments could offer was a Flaming Bush that looked uncannily like a Mac screensaver (that default flurry one). What, they could make a good looking movie about sirens and heros (and model them on their actors) but not one about the Bible?

Having a tight budget is one thing. Not having the means to make a good movie is another. Why bother at all if you don’t have what it takes, and more than that, have nothing new to offer? Aside from its relatively known cast (Christian Slater as Moses, Alfred Molina as Ramses, the stubborn and abusive Prince/Pharaoh), The Ten Commandments is uninspiring work indeed. It does nothing more than retell the events of the Bible, and despite personally not having read the Bible, the animation’s portrayal looks doubtful. God, for example, comes across a vengeful, self-loving prick, determined to punish and flaunt his powers. And speaking of the voice cast, Slater and Molina sound weirdly unfeeling in their deliveries. I can’t quite place it – they’re acting, that’s for sure, but beyond that shouting there seems to be a void where emotions should be. 

For a movie titled “The Ten Commandments”, The Ten Commandments also only take up a fraction of the runtime, not even one quarter of it. The movie is on the whole uninspiring, with simply no feeling of awe or wonder. The Ten Commandments loses even to Pixar’s most rudimentary animation drafts, story, direction and animation-wise. Shabbily done at best, too awful to bear at worst.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Bedtime Stories

"Aren't I funny!? Aren't I funny!!?"

Adam Sandler should never be allowed near kids (or any kind of comedy, actually). The amount of sexual innuendos he’s capable of exuding have a morally corrosive effect, so what the hell were they thinking casting him in a movie for children? I know the guy has to put food on his table, but why couldn’t he do something like, oh, another romance comedy, where you know, sexual innuendos can be forgiven?

Before you jump all in to get a ticket, convinced this movie is a fantasy affair, say, something like Enchanted, I should warn you it isn’t. Sure, Adam Sandler reads a bedtime story to the kids, and the next day it comes true! This is all very well and fairytale-ish, until you find out that when they mean “coming true”, they really meant “something similar happens in real life, kinda like a coincidence”. At no point in time does Sandler get transported to an alternate fantasy existence, nor does he have to fight real dwarfs and elves. Having being pampered by the likes of Narnia movies, I doubt anyone’s going to cheer when they find out the “fantasy” bits are more narrative imagination at work than actual magical occurrences. Do I sound horribly bitter? I should, considering how the trailer was obviously edited to cash in on its “fantasy” factor. No.

This disease of a film also takes forever to get to the point, while everyone else sits in uncomfortable silence, waiting for something actually resembling fantasy to happen. If the idea of a poorly computer-generated golfball-eyed guinea pig doesn’t appeal as a joke, the whole movie probably won’t. Its over-dependency on slapstick is a cheap shot at making the younger audience laugh, but really, no kid should be subjected to such last resorts. Did I also mention the whole story-coming-true plot sounds suspiciously similar to make me double-take at the synopsis of Inkheart? Even then, at least Brendan Fraser is capable of holding up a joke.

When all is over and done, Bedtime Stories becomes yet another Adam Sandler vehicle, green-lit just to humour the actor (and his fans). Low-grade entertainment for the kids, I suggest watching Nanny McPhee instead.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Hancock

Irony? I has it.

For those who would much rather watch Will Smith being a badass than a struggling, sweet guy (ahem, The Pursuit Of Happyness), Hancock shouldn’t be a hard to swallow performance. I personally am never convinced by the guy’s teary gazes, so what are you saying again? He’s going to be a drunk superhero? Bring it on, I say. There can’t be a better time to mock superheros than the present.

And Hancock more than knows how to milk the wholly inappropriate antics of its lead. Oh, Spider-Man may have thrown a temper or two after his girlfriend left him, but Hancock takes you to a new level of irresponsibility by making alcohol consumption the perfect lifestyle for a superhero. After all, it’s not like they’re going to get liver cancer. And you know what is the best part? He’s got amnesia, too, so there’s no backstory to be force fed before things actually begin. It is perfectly fine to watch Hancock without having to worry about whether or not you’ve read the comic when you were 12.

The gist of the story is easy to get – nobody likes Hancock, not even the kids, because like a true drunk, his rescue operations always leaves ten times the carnage. It addresses two main things other superhero movies don’t: consequences, and whether or not people endowed with super powers are above the law. And if they aren’t, how exactly to you put them in confinement without them breaking out and possibly dismantling the entire facility?

But things thankfully don’t happen that way, not really. When Hancock saves Ray,  a not very successful public relations professional from a train collision, the latter is so grateful to be alive he immediately takes it into his hand to help Hancock with his reputation. How it progresses takes up a huge part in providing comic relief. And because Hancock is unfamiliar ground for comic book fanboys, the twist ending can come across both a good and a disappointing ending, depending on your definition of “WTF”.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Ip Man

If you aren’t a martial arts guru, chances are you, like me, went around pronouncing the title as “I.P. Man” for a good number of days. What? I.P Man sounds like it could be a cool title. Like uh, “Babylon A.D”. So good job to the person who had the good sense and foresight to put “eep-mun” on the posters! And if my display of ignorance hasn’t scared you off yet, I’m now about to leave you smacking your forehead with the next few paragraphs I’m going to pass off as a review.

The movie is gorgeous. So gorgeous I had to italic the adjective. So gorgeous I’m here reduced to ranting about how good-looking it is. Ip Man, as fans of the genre and sport will tell you, is none other than the kung fu master of Bruce Lee. Did you digest that properly? He is the master of Bruce Lee. The man who taught his moves to a legend. Ip Man is his silver screen biography, set in China between the 1930s and 1940s. Disrupted by the Second Sino-Japanese War, the movie gracefully puts into action the similar values shared by fellow enslaved countrymen and martial artists. Valor, honor, bravery, you know the drill. But who cares, it’s the fight scenes you’re after. And they are freaking good, which I’ve already mentioned.

What tops this is the pacing and direction of the film. Because the real Ip Man didn’t spend every single day of his life fighting evil dudes, the plot we’re talking about does not involve random baddies throwing themselves at him. Now, this is already a first step away from your adrenaline-type martial art movies, but Ip Man handles it well like a perfectly oiled machine. The movie moves along like some honorable master of its craft, easing into the action-y bits but never picking a fight it doesn’t require. So all the fight sequences you get to see mean something, and obvious and admirable effort have gone into choreographing and capturing each move. Japanese kung-fu, Wing Chun or boxing, Ip Man shows them off equally lethally. The tough part: pretending Donnie Yen’s Ip Man. Not that his performance is a disgrace or anything, it’s just… it’s Donnie Yen! It’s the same way nobody would believe Will Smith as a doctor, because he’s Will Smith.

Unlike the promise you get from Tony Jaa’s movies (No stunt doubles, no computer graphics, no strings attached!), there’ll be moments where you’d be left puzzled and suspicious of the art’s seemingly godly strikes. I’m not quite convinced the rapid punching wasn’t the result of fast-forwarding, myself. Nevertheless, this is good stuff, enough to take your adrenaline rushes for a walk before Ong Bak 2 knees us between the eyeballs next year, anyway.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Yes Man

Rubberface is back. Sorta.

You know, I was really skeptical about what Yes Man had to offer after watching the trailer. All at once Jim Carrey appears and contorts his face, and I’m not going to lie to you – his face freaks me out. I know some people find it funny, but his expressions and the lengths he’ll go to make himself grotesque… it’s disconcerting. The way clowns are supposed to be funny, except they’re not? The other thing you can gather from the trailer is that he’s a Yes Man. It literally means he’s going to agree to every damn thing that comes along his way, and give it no further thought. (And this is supposed to be some self-help thing to battle all the negativity that comes from saying “no”. Which, according to the movie, equates to missing out on opportunities and having no life.)

It’s not difficult to tell the only humour that can come out from such a plot are the kind of questions he has to say yes to, and all the weird, freaky situations he would eventually land himself in, which – bingo! – was exactly how the movie played out. Add the supposedly comical faces, and you’ve got yourself another Jim Carrey movie – funny, but unmemorable.

(First published at InCinemas)

Lists for 2008

The end is near, folks! Which means this is the perfect time to do up a list of the good stuff that happened this year, and what to look forward to in 2009. And since we’re calling ourselves your one-stop movie portal, here’s a quick look at the movies we liked, didn’t like, and thought could’ve done better. And just for the heck of it, we’ve included a list of what to look out for in 2009, so you won’t be stumbling around in your office or whatever, depressed because no one told you John Woo was coming back to blast people up. 

But first, here’s our pick for the most collectable DVDs released this year. We know quantity isn’t quality, but sometimes it’s about getting what you pay for, right? Okay, kidding. We really did like the extras. A majority of those that made it to the list were good either because the extras focused on the important, or won us over with their sheer list of features. If they fall into neither category, they’re in the list because the feature film itself is worth re-watching on DVD again.

Top 12 Most Collectable DVDs of 2008

1. Wall-E (2-Disc Special Edition)
2. The Nightmare Before Christmas (2-Disc Collector’s Edition)
3. The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2-Disc Collector’s Edition)
4. Iron Man (2-Disc Collector’s Edition)
5. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army  
6. The Dark Knight (2-Disc Special Edition)
7. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (Two-Disc Special Collector’s Edition)
8. Horton
9. Kung Fu Panda 
10. Hancock (2-Disc Unrated Special Edition)
11. Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2-Disc Collector’s Edition)
12. Beowulf (2-Disc Special Edition Director’s Cut)

But just because someone behind-the-scenes knew enough on how to spice up a DVD doesn’t mean the film itself is good (though most of the time they tend to be). All good films have one thing in common: a good story. Not great computer graphics, not daring stunts, not pretty people in pretty roles. Sure, those help, and a good dose of humour certainly will point you in the right direction, but a good story’s hard to forget. So, ladies and gentlemen, we’re sure you’ve read this before somewhere, but the top spot in this category goes to the only people who can be trusted to tell a good story: Pixar. Yes, Wall-E will get the recognition it deserves, and then some.

And just in case there ever comes a time when you’ve gotten tired of watching one robot grasp the hands of another, here’s the complete list:

Top 10 Movies of 2008

1. Wall-E
2. The Dark Knight
3. Black Book
4. Cape No. 7
5. Iron Man
6. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
7. Rabbit Without Ears
8. Tropic Thunder
9. Red Cliff 
10. [Rec]

Unfortunately, for every winner there’s always a bazillion losers trailing behind. Some have been lucky enough to be completely wiped off the memories of their audiences, others… well, are not as fortunate. We’re not saying the following list were awful to sit through, but you have to admit they didn’t quite live up to their hype at all. Indiana Jones, for instance, will always be taunted as the dude who hid out in a refrigerator to escape a nuclear blast.

Just saying.

Top 5 Most Disappointing Movies of 2008

1. Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
2. Quantum Of Solace
3. Twilight
4. The Incredible Hulk
5. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

So, what next? What to watch out for next year is next. My personal favourite? The sixth installment of Harry Potter. Did admitting that just void my nominations for the last three categories? Oops.

10 Films To Look Forward To In 2009

1. Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
3. Red Cliff II
4. Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs
5. Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
6. Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans
7. G.I. Joe: Rise Of Cobra
8. Dragonball Evolution
9. Angel & Demons
10. Terminator Salvation

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Pride And Glory

"Tell me motherfucker why'd you signed on to do this cocksucker of a cop story."

Let’s get to the point here: Pride And Glory isn’t perfect. It has a good-cop-bad-cop storyline that frankly, I think we’re all tired of. It has more f-bombs than actual dialogue, employed the shaky-cam technique before someone thought better of it and abandoned it one-quarter into the movie, and altogether felt tired and recycled. But yet it also stars two very entertaining actors you won’t mind paying to watch read a phonebook. I’m quite willing to bet that you, dear reader, got suckered into watching this (or are intending to watch this) because of either Farrell or Norton. I’ll tell you I did as well.

Thirty minutes into the movie I began to speculate the kind of bribes the casting agency must have handed out to this star-studded cast to have their names on the credits.

And that’s exactly what happened: most of the supporting cast really did just have their names appear on the credits, after popping in and out of scenes once or twice. And there are so many of them you feel hustled by their sudden appearances. Characters are brought in long enough for them to provide some sort of “inside information”, before having their brains blown out against windows. No time to feel sympathy there, let’s kill someone else!

Rather than feeling resentment or empathy for anyone, you’ll more likely spend the 130 minutes going, “Wait, who?” Street Kings had the annoying habit of yelling lines out, and Pride And Glory decided to go with mumbling. That is, except Norton, whom I seriously love for enunciating his lines, and keeping f-bombs at bay, scripted or improvised. I’ll tell you the only times I understood completely what was happening was when he was part of the shot.

Pride And Glory is riddled by plot holes, questionable scenes, weak lines, and should have gone through a few more rewrites. The cast were decent given what they had to work with, but it could have been so, so much better.

Oh, and if you’re frustrated from having trouble understanding the dialogue, there aren’t any subtitles (no, not even in Mandarin). That’s still pretty acceptable – except you also don’t get any translations when the gang lords are all throwing hissy fits in Spanish.

(First published at InCinemas)