Movie Review: The Host

Perhaps in ten years or so, you’ll find a Hollywood version of The Host, much like the fate of original Japanese Gojira (Godzilla). This is a movie with a giant mutant animal that doesn’t suck – apart from the creature design, which is really a mix of mudskipper, alien and one of Doc Ock’s tentacle. At least the creature isn’t half the time in the dark, or in fog, and so you’re treated to a good dose of visually impressive CGI courtesy of the same companies behind Harry Potter, Narnia, The Lord of the Rings and King Kong.

When young Hyun-seo is whisked off by the giant mudskipper, she surprisingly survives and wakes to the horrid stench of the creature’s lair somewhere in the maze of sewers. With her mobile phone, she manages to contact her dad, but is conveniently cut off while conveying her whereabouts. Convinced that her daughter is still alive, Gang-du sets out to inform the authorities, but is dismissed as a parent in denial. To make matters worse, he is quarantined together with his family and treated as hosts of a suspected virus transmitted by the creature. Desperate, he gathers a search party out of his father, Hee-bong, his national medalist archer sister, Nam-joo, and college graduate brother, Nam-il. Because authority figures are mostly corrupt in films and nothing beats the love a parent has for a child, they break out of the hospital and go in search for the missing girl.

Plot wise, The Host far exceeds expectations – if you were thinking this is going to be a ‘big giant monster terrorizes city’ film. It is, but what makes it a cut above the rest is the fact that unlike in most B-grade monster movies where everyone unimportant is killed, The Host focuses more on the emotional state of its victims. So instead of just an excuse to soak its stars in blood, the movie does succeed in being engaging for the most part. There is, in fact, very little blood and gore, since victims are swallowed whole without being torn apart. What’s unique too about the monster is the way its digestive system works – it regurgitates, so that’s something new to look forward to if you enjoy gore.

The acting’s pretty good as well – child actress Ah-sung Ko shows promising talent as Hyun-seo, and there isn’t a moment when the thought “they’re acting” enters your head. There’s excellent chemistry between the actors so you almost believe they’re a real life family. This is a great monster film, one of the best of its genre, and definitely worth the DVD rental.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Employee Of The Month

Help a customer and get a free life-sized Jessica Simpson

In a world as shallow as a kid’s pool, being a cashier is actually a great ambition because you get the extra bonus of hanging out with Jessica Simpson. Okay, it’s not really her because the actress isn’t playing herself in the movie, but that doesn’t matter because the character she does play has the intelligence and charm comparable to a flea. Which makes no sense because…why would anyone hang out with a flea?

Not consecutive Employee of the Month and cashier jerk Vince (Dax Shepard); or ambitious but charismatic box boy Zack (a box boy maintains the face of the mart and is really just a rung higher than a cleaner). Rather than find a decent woman to hit on, both men decide, of all people, to go after new cashier Amy (Jessica Simpson), who apparently is so shallow and has no problem going out with whoever is the Employee of the Month (which really translates to “cashier of the month”). Hence, Zack has to be the underdog the audience can root for and sympathize with, since you know, he’s a box boy and has to work his way up the ranks. The last time I checked, he’s still an employee for the company even though he’s the box boy, so the title of the movie is debatable. In a winner-takes-all competition, not only does Employee of the Month walk off with the status and the girl – he also gets himself a new car. Although I’d take the car and leave the girl behind.

Short of showing how hardworking and ambitious Zack is through tough competition and rivalry with fellow employee Vince, and how desperate he is to win the hand of a loose woman, Employee Of The Month is a somewhat feeble attempt at comedy filled to the brim with crude jokes that don’t always make sense. It’s popcorn entertainment (you can’t expect more from Jessica Simpson), and I recommend The Fox And The Hound if you feel the need to have a lesson on morals (loyalty, friendship etc). If there’s any reason to watch this film, it’s to see Jessica Simpson with large, prosthetic earlobes. For the male audience, it’s a good treat to a great amount of cleavage, but not anything you can’t find on porn videos (there’s no nudity, though).

This is something you’ll enjoy if you aren’t expecting much; it’s definitely not worth the ticket price, but entertaining enough for a DVD rent on a boring weekend.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

Finally, the long wait is over – for majority of Simpsons fans. It’s just a matter of time before the bold cartoon hits the big screen, what with it being the longest-running animated sitcom on television. It’s also comforting to know that the movie takes on the nostalgic and traditional 2D flat-ish but nevertheless colourful animation as opposed to overused 3D characters, so at least we know it hasn’t sold out to become one of many CGI eye-feasts. And while it doesn’t impress visually, it does well in its adventurous plot and witty scripting.

Centered largely on environmental issues, the film sees Homer once again the cause of trouble, as he irresponsibly dumps waste and pollutes the river, resulting in an emergency “Code Red” damage-control plan being thrown into action by the hopeless government. Homer becomes a wanted man, and risks having his family evacuated from Springfield forever.

Entertaining in its plot (that has Homer and his family on the run to Alaska), the film takes more than a few jabs at American politics and culture with bold references and dialogue that’ll leave you at the very least cracking a grin. Despite the tagline, “See our family. And feel better about yours.”, you’ll find yourself wanting to be part of the Simpsons family just by the amount of absurd fun they seem to land themselves in (it’s a lot safer from the screen, though).

There’s a fair bit of emotion between Homer and Marge that falls somewhere between genuine love and mockery of the typical married couple, although that is perhaps the thread that keeps the dysfunctional family together. Unlike the shorter TV episodes, the film at a slightly longer runtime of 87 minutes doesn’t feel the least draggy. It’s not crazily epic so you’re not distracted trying to tame that bladder towards the conclusion and climax, yet neither is it unsatisfyingly short.

The word best describing The Simpsons Movie is cheeky, as jokes aren’t just contained within the movie itself, but spilled over to poke fun at the audience (such as sudden ads in between scenes and random appearances during the start and ending credits). For the unsuspecting audience not used to the television sitcom’s style, the movie will come as a pleasant surprise. If you’re one to have followed the Simpsons series, the movie will still be a treat, too.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: The Piano Tuner Of Earthquakes

The Piano Tuner Of Earthquakes feels like an unwrapped present: nice to look at, but a disappointment once opened. This is a feature film by the Quay brothers Stephen and Timothy Quay, whose filmmaking experiences involve mostly animated shorts, so you can roughly imagine sitting through 99 minutes of incoherently-stringed scenes with irrelevant cuts of animation spliced into the plot. Short of looking at a volley of artistic footages, The Piano Tuner Of Earthquakes is one film that requires great patience to understand and appreciate. The film runs out of juice after a runtime of fifteen minutes, and there’s really no way of knowing what’s going on if you haven’t had the opportunity to read the synopsis.

The movie feels like a poorly-executed version of The Phantom Of The Opera, what with the romance involving opera singers and jealous lovers. Here, opera singer Malvina Van Stille is mysteriously murdered by secret lover Dr. Emmanuel Droz, who abducts her body and revives her at his secluded Oceanside estate, only to hold her captive in preparation for an opera he has written in which he is the hero. Piano Tuner Felisberto is then summoned to service the intricate automatons that magically govern the flow of life at the Villa Azucena, much to the tuner’s amazement and surprise. He, however, falls in love with Malvina after learning of Droz’s intentions, and vows to save her with aid from Droz’s housekeeper Assumpta.

What you can expect from The Piano Tuner Of Earthquakes, though, is its stunning and unique imagery. As if filmed through colour-tinted lenses, every scene is mystifying and has a dream-like quality, but nevertheless relevant to the film’s plot and genre. The downfall of the film lies in its long runtime and slow pacing – you just can’t help but feel the urge to fast forward through the lengthy dialogue. In fact, if you’re one to have a short attention span, it’s best to just read the plot synopsis and forget the movie.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Jump In!

This is really a harmless film that doesn’t try to be anything better than a video presentation of what kids should or should not do when pursuing their dreams. It follows the typical mix you can find in “inspirational” flicks like Coach Carter, Invincible and High School Musical, so you shouldn’t expect it to be nominated “Best Film” or anything of the like. In fact, you can forget the plot – change the names, substitute the sport from any of the aforementioned titles to skipping, and viola! You get Jump In!. It makes you wonder why they even bother.

Izzy Daniels (Corbin Bleu), a teenager trying to secure a future in boxing, has a change of heart when he becomes the reluctant stand-in for his neighbour’s Double Dutch group competition. A member short for the up and coming finals and intrigued by the skipping moves, he then agrees to fill in the spot as an official Red Hot Chilli Steppers member. Of course, there are setbacks when the school learns of his passion for skipping, and he becomes the butt of jokes after being the victim of boxing rival and neighborhood bully Rodney (Patrick Johnson Jr.). All’s well when he gives a moral speech about the importance of achieving one’s dream, so the film’s only good if you’re easily impressed and enjoy watching skipping rope tricks.

On the other hand, Bleu’s performance is a notch better than Zac Effon’s in High School Musical, and you can also expect a lot less singing (synching) because Jump In! isn’t a musical. The overall acting isn’t great and feels like a scheme to make some pocket money on the part of the actors, but hey, it has everything characteristic of a Walt Disney television program, which it is.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Alone

A good enough reason to watch this film is the undisputed reputation of the directors behind the bone-chilling Shutter. Alone, about a dead Siamese twin who returns to haunt her surviving sister, isn’t just a thriller aimed to get you sitting on the edge of your seats, but also a heartwarming tale of the bittersweet relationship between two people conjoined at birth, forced to spend every single second of their lives together. Sometimes two’s company, but what happens when a third party – in the form of romance – enters the picture? It’s the kind of movie that allows you to see why the villains are ‘bad’, so it’s not at all difficult to sympathize with them.

There’s also a slight twist to the film that may leave you in a bit of a confusion, but nevertheless the story comes full circle with the film’s great pacing and explanation. Unlike in movies where twists are a short-cut to end a film (most of the time on an anti-climax), the twist ending for Alone is well-thought out and executed. In fact, it feels more like a drama than a horror flick – although with a rather unique plot. The film does sadly tend to overuse scare tactics. With more than a few sudden jump cuts and scares, you’re only forced to jerk in your seat due to the overwhelming sound effects.

What’s remarkable about Alone is its cast. Starring popular Thai actress Masha Wattanapanich, who gives an incredible perfomance as adult twin characters Pim and Ploy, it’s also interesting to see the resemblance between the grown-up Pim/Ploy and their teenage and child actresses. Looking amazingly alike, they do somehow give a sense of continuity to the film, from close childhood to repressed teenagers and finally, estranged adults.

One of the better horror films to see the light of day, Alone doesn’t disappoint, and neither does it insult your intelligence. This is a must-watch, even for the non-horror fans.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Captivity

Unless you enjoy being insulted, or find pleasure in loud and sudden sound effects, there’s really no reason why anyone would willingly sit themselves through Captivity. I don’t usually support the idea of walking out during a movie (ticket prices are too high to be wasted like that), but at twenty minutes, no one would hold it against you if you leave and head to the nearest toilet to slit your wrists.

Despite having a poster like Saw (okay not really), and a plot synopsis like Saw, Captivity shares the same similarities as Saw as a horse and a stone. The entire film is a barrage of cuts from the victim trying to escape, and some cloaked figure/gloved hand spying on her through camcorders or doing something gross like blending the severed body parts of his previous victim. It all happens when some control freak kidnaps a fashion model and puts her through psychological torture, although she is never hurt to the point of being disfigured. The kidnapper attempts to scare her with torture videos and fake acid – which I can stomach – but he even goes as far as to stick a fake patch of blood on her cheek. Um, hasn’t he heard of nerves? It’s not half as scary when something doesn’t hurt. Then there’s something along the lines of a reference to Saw in which the actress has to shoot her pet poodle or be shot herself (yeah, they kidnapped her dog as well and shipped in her entire wardrobe), which she slowly ponders upon in the thirty seconds she has been given to make her decision. As much as I’m sickened by murder, I’d no doubt have shot the dog even before the timer began. It’s a far cry from having to wrestle a fellow prisoner, murder him, and then having to dig around in his innards to find the key to freedom. So for a thriller, she got off easy. There are people who murder animals without having a gun pointed to their heads!

There’s also an attempt at a twist ending, as well as the cloaked kidnapper unmasked, who turns out to be a 500-pound man. The funniest part is the fact that it isn’t a horror comedy – the movie really takes itself seriously. I don’t even feel the least guilty of posting spoilers, because it’s a good deed when you warn others about something really, really bad.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Knocekd Up

Here’s an even better solution to unprotected sex: a screening of Knocked Up. A moment of pleasure is certainly not worth nine months of agony for the unwed woman, and neither is it for the reluctant Dad who has to bear with the hormonal turbulence of his partner. There’s nothing quite like the wrath of an expectant mother, what more an inexperienced one. Knocked Up is a brilliant and dramatic ride from the reckless hook-up to the birth of a child, portrayed so realistically it’s literally painful to watch.

Although love’s hardly in the mix for the onscreen couple, what’s moving and superbly selfless is Alison’s (Katherine Heigl) decision to keep the bastard child, despite the risk of losing her reputation as a career woman and her looks-orientated job as a celebrity interviewer. Equally supportive and sweet is Ben Stone (Seth Rogen), an unemployed fun-loving party animal living off his fast disappearing compensation (for an injury in a past accident). This is a film high on nudity and vulgar language that doesn’t “cheapen” the movie but instead adds to its comedic relief – nothing beats having a dirty joke to get a laugh out of the audience. Sentences as brilliant as “He wants to rear your child” is enough reason to watch the movie, and shallow or not, you’ve just got to love the way Ben proposes with an empty box. Ironic to the initial and desperate hook-up, the pregnancy now forces both parties to come up with a solution, and that’s when we experience the beauty of patience and sacrifice and perhaps…even understanding. It’s a melting pot of morals presented in a really smart way, and seriously, nothing beats seeing someone as lusty as Ben reading guides to parenting.

Before you watch the film, though – and I must say it’s worth the expensive ticket price – it’s a good idea to expect various labour shots. I don’t mean just the ultrasound scans, either. It’s probably as disgusting as Saw, and will no doubt put the average woman off pregnancy, but hey, it’s the life cycle! Not that Saw isn’t, since people get to die, but I digress.

Also, despite the breakthroughs in CG lions and waterfalls, I still found myself wondering about the impressive bulge on Katherine Heigl. The film doesn’t cheat with a fake pillow; you do actually see the skin of the exposed stomach. It’s kind of traumatising.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Snakes On A Plane

It’s an idiot-proof title. In fact, there’s no reason to watch Snakes On A Plane other than 1) you’re a simpleton, or 2) you’re really clever but can’t pass up the opportunity to poke fun at something as idiotic as having a group of people cowering from a bunch of venomous snakes let loose on a 747. If you were looking for a thriller-comedy, this may be it, though a cast led by poker-faced Samuel L. Jackson can’t exactly be called a “comedy”. The movie takes itself a little too seriously, so unless you’re the sort to take pleasure in snakes biting a variety of body parts and people yelling all kinds of vulgarities, the only true comedic relief comes from the typical wisecracking, Playstation-playing African American.

At a glance, the plot may seem plausible – a witness to the brutal murder of a prosecutor, Sean Jones now has the power to testify against mob boss Eddie Kim. While flying to Los Angeles with FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson), a crate with all sorts of snakes busts open – a deliberate move by Eddie to kill Sean. Why he refuses to use the good old bomb blast without taking chances is beyond me, although a crate of snakes as cargo is easier to get past security when you have corrupted officers in the airline industry helping you along.

In order to get the snakes agitated enough to murder every passenger on board, crates of garlands to be handed out to passengers are sprayed with pheromones. I’m no snake specialist, but when you have somebody smelling like a snake in heat, aren’t the real snakes suppose to…uh, turn horny? Attacking is hardly a form of affection, but…okay. Besides, aren’t pheromones supposed to be specific to each species, the way you shouldn’t be turned on by a monkey?

Sure, it’s not meant to be taken seriously, the way sheep aren’t supposed to murder in Black Sheep, but since the probability of a venomous snake killing a human is higher than a sheep killing one, Snakes On A Plane fails to be the “B-grade horror comedy” it tries to be, because snake bites can be fatal. Be ridiculous if you want, don’t be halfway in between. It’s certainly a lot more fun identifying the snakes in the movie that you know aren’t venomous in real life but are in the film.

(First published at InCinemas)

Movie Review: Disturbia

Spy on your neighbours and the most interesting activity you’ll ever see them engage in is a family meal. If you’re lucky, you get a lover’s tiff between a married couple. In the surreal world of Kale (Shia LaBeouf) though, it’s a serial murderer and a girl who doesn’t ever puts the blinds down whenever she undresses. Although a newly discovered hobby driven by boredom, house arrest becomes a little too dramatic to handle, and before you know it, he’s caught up in a mess of decayed corpses and deathly threats.

Disturbia is a product of the same mould that produced thrillers like Vacancy, all with the same basic structure involving sick psychopaths who murder people the way normal people would squash insects. And although it’s starting to feel like Hollywood is mass-producing different variations of the same film, they never fail to put you on the edge of your seat during particularly tense moments in the film. Unfortunately though, like an instant kick a cigarette gives, the effect wears off once you’re away from the screen, when you truly notice the stupidity of characters and the ever-growing number of plotholes. There are thrillers you can imagine taking place in real life, but Disturbia isn’t one, and for good reasons too. With a killer screaming to be caught and half a million corpses stored away in a waterlogged secret passage, it’s no surprise the ending is a happy one. What’s a little different in Disturbia is its delivery: starting with one of the scariest car crashes in movie history, the film’s first 45 minutes is an introduction to Kale, and his developing interest in the next-door flaunt-it-all neighbour (not the murderer). A bad spying habit leads to him practically observing everyone within binocular range, when he stumbles across a potential murder in progress. There’s a little twist thrown in with being under house-arrest: a device on Kale that confines him within the borders of his lawn; failing to do so activates a connected tracer in the hands of the officer watching him. The point is, Kale has to solve the murder and the mystery of his neighbour without alerting the authorities, who – if you’re familiar with in thrillers, are painfully incapable of doing the simplest thing (like investigate properly and call for back up).

Shia LaBeouf is promising and likable, and puts on a good performance as rebellious but filial Kale; even managing to be hilarious in his attempts to impress the very sexy girl next door. Newcomer Sarah Roemer doesn’t play that big a role in the movie besides providing the audience with an eyecandy, but okay, benefit of the doubt. It’s a fun movie on the whole, worth a few laughs, but not exceptionally great and certainly doesn’t stand out from a heap of thrillers.

(First published at InCinemas)