I’m going on a break. No more reviews until I can watch movies again without being reminded of my job. Or ex-job. Which, did I mention, I left with utmost glee? I won’t start bitching about it, and I never thought I’d live to see the day that has me saying “OMFG Halp!” from an overload of movies, but yeah, there can be too much of a good thing.
I may occasionally return to upload super short rants about movies, but without the free screenings anymore you can expect reviews to slow to a trickle. I will also be busy with school, so that’s that.
Go read the archives or something. But just so you know, I appreciate you reading the stuff I write.
You know, this might be the first movie I’ve seen that has no trouble saying “run away” when things get out of hand. This is what Forrest Gump does for a large portion of the movie, yet in what may be the most ironic turn of events, he accomplishes great things running away. What I love about Gump is that the film doesn’t ever equate saving your own hide as being cowardly.
This… is a cheesy, simple, brainless, cute movie for kids, and I should really end the review here. There are heaps of better family/kids-orientated movies, and this one hangs around somewhere near the bottom of the barrel.
It’s nice to see you back in macho roles, John Travolta! For the first fifteen minutes of the film I had trouble associating your face with the gun-wielding thug about to hijack a subway carriage – now whenever I think “John Travolta” I remember you as either a cute American White Shepherd, or someone dressed in drag! If an emoticon didn’t look so inappropriate here I would have put one right now after this paragraph.
This is the second of two Unstable Fables movies I’ve seen, and as per the first (3 Pigs & A Baby), Tortoise Vs Hare is an “alternate” ending to the bedtime story we’re familiar with. The phrase “slow and steady” has now become the town’s motto, and Walter Tortoise (Danny Glover), who won the race, has become a household celebrity. Murray Hare, voiced by Jay Leno, is jealous of the winner’s limelight, and when an opportunity to race comes again, he convinces his daughter to race as a team, against the tortoise and his son, and some other teams that we won’t be seeing much. The kids are not happy, because Murray’s daughter loves dancing, and Walter’s son is a Science nerd. They hate races! Things happen during the extremely long and dangerous “wilderness” race, and the two teams have to join forces to solve their problems and prove some other moral . 
Home might be one of few movies you can watch on YouTube without the risk of landing yourself a fine/jail term. It’s a non-profit movie released worldwide on the UN-appointed World Environment Day (5 June every year) so audiences can soak in its urgent environmental message free-of-charge. It is also perhaps due to its non-profit nature that Home lacks severely in effort and expertise, documentary-wise. As interesting as a screen saver with an uninspired script and preachy, emotionless narration (by Glenn Close, who voices Mona Simpson, no less!), Home comes across self-righteous, chastising the human race for being a thorn in Mother Nature’s side. The latter may be the case, but let’s just say no one really responds well to a talking-down – a lecture that could so easily be turned into something informative and interesting in the hands of someone like David Attenborough.
“Terrifically smart and funny.” is a quote from Jeff Craig about The Promotion, who writes for a publication ‘Sixty Second Preview’. This praise can be found on the DVD cover, along with his four star rating, just below the movie title. It’s a lie. But before I go on to rant about what an ultimately boring movie The Promotion is, I decided to do a Google search on Sixty Second Preview – just to see if Jeff Craig and I had opposite tastes in movies.
Hannah Montana has, in my opinion, bad press she doesn’t deserve. Oh, the Jonas Brothers deserve it, but at least you know when teenagers love Hannah, they aren’t actually thinking about being in potential relationships with the star in question. Female fans screaming over the Jonas Brothers give me the creeps. For all her limited vocal range, I can appreciate Hannah for what she represents: a teen idol.
I’ve been meaning to write a review for this, but haven’t, because to be honest I don’t feel a review would be the right way to go about describing something as fun as this. Like actually sitting down and thinking about it would kill some part of the enjoyment I had from watching the movie. Like Seth Rogen said in an interview, “It’s just insane that critics would even try to review this movie. It’s not meant to have any more thought put into it than the time it takes to watch it. The notion of someone sitting down and writing a paragraph about Pineapple Express is just insane to me. Just let it exist!”